You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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