Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
