thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
