She is in my trunk
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
and she was petting her beer can
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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