Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
