I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
