could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
