Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
