She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
