Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
