She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
