No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
