He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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