so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
