The brown eye won't let me do that either.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
