I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
vagina is talking i cant
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
