i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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