My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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