Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
