i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
