I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
