i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
