How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
