There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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