She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
