I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
