Non-Jews are for practice
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
