how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
All I want is dick and wine.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
