yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
