i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
