i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
