on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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