Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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