I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
