Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
