I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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