I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
