who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
