It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
