I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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