so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
