i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I will be naked everywhere
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
