i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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