Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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