I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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