So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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