i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
