Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
