are you still at the devil's house?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
