This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Randomize
