Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
