is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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