its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
